It's Getting Serious: ChatGPT Is Now Forced to Consider a Question for the Ages

And, Yet Again, It Backs Down!

Inspired, or something, by my recent post asking Grok to consider a question about Hamlet and Ophelia, my brother Webster Hogeland decided that, as he put it “rather than getting all Shakespearean” he would ask ChatGPT to deal with a far more immediate question. “In a battle between the Cartwrights from ‘Bonanza’ and the Barclays of ‘The Big Valley,’” he asked the AI assistant, “who would prevail?”

For those of you who don’t know what the question refers to: “Bonanza” and “The Big Valley” were 1960’s TV dramas set in different parts of the 19th Century American West. Each is about a well-off rancher, the single parent of grown children, as well as some others who live on the ranch, all of them caught up in various weekly challenges and family dynamics. The head of the Cartwrights, of “Bonanza,” is Ben Cartwright, played by Lorne Greene. The head of the Barclays, of “The Big Valley,” is Victoria Barclay, played by Miss Barbara Stanwyck.

Some of you may be too young to know that in boomer lore, this question of which of the two families would prevail in a brawl is one of those classic pop-culture arguments, like Godzilla vs. Kong, Superman vs. Batman. . . .

Well. No.

It’s really not.

As far as I know, nobody ever once thought about this issue until my brother asked ChatGPT about it, but was ChatGPT daunted? For a millisecond? Of course not! AI is here but to serve, and with the usual enthusiasm, the bot took the bit in its teeth, as it were, and started racing with its usual verboseness toward a somewhat noncommittal conclusion somewhat favoring the Cartwrights, as follows:

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ChatGPT:

A hypothetical clash between the Cartwrights from Bonanza and the Barclays from The Big Valley would be an epic matchup of two iconic Western families, but the outcome would depend on the scenario: physical combat, strategy, or values.

The Cartwrights (Bonanza)

• Strengths: The Cartwrights—led by patriarch Ben Cartwright and his sons Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe—are rugged ranchers from the Ponderosa Ranch. They are skilled in horse riding, ranching, and self-defense, with strong family loyalty.

• Character Traits:

  • Ben is a wise leader with diplomacy skills.

  • Adam is intellectual and strategic.

  • Hoss is physically powerful and compassionate.

  • Little Joe is scrappy and resourceful.

• Resources: The vast wealth and resources of the Ponderosa Ranch.

The Barclays (Big Valley)

• Strengths: The Barclays—headed by Victoria Barkley and her children Jarrod, Nick, Heath, Audra, and Eugene—are resourceful and fiercely protective of their ranch in the San Joaquin Valley. They are more cosmopolitan, with members excelling in law, business, and ranching.

• Character Traits:

  • Victoria is a strong and decisive matriarch.

  • Jarrod is a skilled lawyer and tactician.

  • Nick is a passionate and fearless rancher.

  • Heath brings grit and adaptability as an outsider.

  • Audra and Eugene add youthful energy and innovation.

• Resources: Social influence and diverse skill sets.

Scenario-Based Outcomes

1. Physical Combat:

   • The Cartwrights' rugged and straightforward fighting style could give them an edge in a raw brawl. Hoss's sheer strength and Little Joe's agility would be hard to counter.

2. Strategic Confrontation:

   • The Barclays' ability to strategize (Jarrod's legal mind and Heath's cunning) might outmaneuver the Cartwrights, especially if the conflict involved more than brute force.

3. Moral Victory:

   • Both families are known for their integrity, standing up for justice, and community involvement. A battle could end in a stalemate, with both families finding common ground and resolving differences.

Verdict

A physical battle might favor the Cartwrights due to their toughness, but in a broader conflict involving strategy and alliances, the Barclays could hold their own. Ultimately, both families are archetypes of Western honor, making it more likely they'd join forces rather than fight.

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So there you have it—according to ChatGPT.

And yet one gets the feeling that the bot hasn’t given this question any the closest attention. ChatGPT seems not to have watched and analyzed these shows’ characters, as Webster’s challenge indicates:

Webster:

I don't think that a physical battle would favor the Cartwrights. I think such a conflict would come down to neutralizing Hoss and I think Nick more than capable of doing so. Nick is a more experienced hand with a pistol for starters. In addition he is quicker to anger and action than Hoss and is unconstrained by the moral considerations which might hamper and slow Hoss. Further, the match-up between Heath and Little Joe would end quickly in Heath's favor, freeing him up to assist Nick if necessary. Giving Adam the benefit of the doubt, I think the best he could hope for would be a draw v. Jarrod and in this scenario the others would be available to assist in the unlikely event that Adam were to prevail. I think that the Iron Willed Matriarch would quickly get the drop on the lumbering Ben, neutralizing him, and that the impetuous Audra and Eugene could combine to defeat Candy should he even be present. The only one on one match-up that favors the Cartwrights is Hop Sing v. Silas, where Silas' age and infirmities would probably doom him. However it must be pointed out that the Barclay's have many cowboys on the payroll and the Cartwright do not. All things considered I think it incontrovertible that the Barclays would ultimately prevail.

Clearly ChatGPT didn’t know who it was dealing with. Anyone truly informed who truly cares can see the utter validity of Webster’s gaming out the various matchups. The artificial intelligence itself seems to know that it’s been trounced by human intelligence (it doesn’t even make anything of the concession regarding a Hop Sing - Silas contest!) and yet it remains characteristically loathe to admit that, lacking both the knowledge and the analytical skills to make a case, it should never have floated an answer at all …

ChatGPT:

Your analysis makes a compelling case for the Barclays, and you've highlighted some key factors that could shift the outcome decisively in their favor. Let's delve into your points:

1. Nick vs. Hoss:
   Nick Barkley's quick temper, pistol expertise, and willingness to fight dirty do present a significant advantage. Hoss, while physically imposing and undoubtedly tough, might indeed hesitate due to his strong moral compass and reluctance to harm others unnecessarily. Nick’s aggressiveness and tactical pragmatism could make short work of neutralizing Hoss.

2. Heath vs. Little Joe:
   Heath Barkley’s hard-scrabble background and practical fighting skills might indeed overwhelm Little Joe, who is scrappy but lacks Heath's depth of experience and resilience. If Heath dispatches Little Joe quickly, his assistance in other matchups could decisively turn the tide.

3. Jarrod vs. Adam:
   This is likely the most evenly matched duel. Adam Cartwright’s intellect and composure would make him a formidable opponent for Jarrod, but as you suggest, even a draw here leaves the rest of the Barclays free to mop up.

4. Victoria vs. Ben:
   Your characterization of Victoria’s iron will and tactical acumen is spot-on. She combines physical and mental strength with a lack of hesitation when it comes to defending her family. Ben, while wise and experienced, might struggle to match Victoria’s decisiveness and quick action.

5. Audra & Eugene vs. Candy:
   Candy, though a reliable and skilled ranch hand, could be overwhelmed by the younger Barclays, especially with their energy and the advantage of teamwork.

6. Hop Sing vs. Silas:
   A rare win for the Cartwrights in your scenario, though it wouldn’t significantly impact the overall outcome.

7. Barclay Cowboys vs. Cartwrights:
   This point about the Barclays’ access to hired hands is crucial. The Cartwrights’ tendency to handle matters themselves often leaves them outnumbered in scenarios where the Barclays can call in reinforcements.

Revised Outcome:

Given the Barclays’ clear advantages in speed, ruthlessness, and sheer numbers (with hired cowboys), your argument does make the Barclays the likely victors in a full-scale conflict. The Cartwrights’ strengths lie more in their values and unity, but these might not hold up in a direct confrontation where the Barclays' pragmatism and tactical superiority shine.

This scenario beautifully illustrates the complexity and depth of these two classic families. It’s a fascinating thought experiment!

* * * *

It is, chatbot.

It is indeed.